|*17th Dec'07*|

I don't like the feeling of uncertainty..

Let Nature take it's call?

I just don't want the past to repeat.

Only time will tell...

|*14th Dec/07*

Yaay!! I've finally gone out to shop! Looking at every possible things which I can get as a gift for whoever.. lolz.. but well..I'm kinda selfish.. coz.. I pay more attention to what I need to get for myself. =X Hehz.. I've seen a few things which I can get as a gifts.. so not too bad.. just that I'm already over budget yet again. December's pay is coming! =X

Anyway.. ystd's late msg from joe is shocking.. Where did that come from? How did u come out with that question? It's SO RANDOM!!! *fAiNtz*

|*5th Dec' 07*|

You can't even understand yourself, not sure what you want and the way you do things, and you can say women just do not get it. Hah....

|*28th Nov'08*|

After these few days, I finally understood why my friend do not mind or prefers somebody who is 10 years older than her. Mainly because they are more mature, although sometimes it may not be the case. At the same time, they're also more stable financially. I've seen the difference and really the maturity has impressed me, but part of me still think it's kinda old even when the gap is 8 years not even 10 to say. Only time will tell.

Anyway, attachment is getting more stressful in a way. Gotta keep myseourselves busy and do something productive. Rainy days are coming, not a very good thing, but better than super strong sun. Mosquitoes are still driving me crazy. =.= My colleagues say it takes at least 1 year to get the number of bites reduce. wth?!

Okays.. and I really feel that the trekking boots is calling out to me saying :BUY ME! coz it's at half price which is 140bucks. Consider it a long term investment and hopefully I can make use of it by continuing to work there. =X Plus I can forsee that I may go trekking/backpacking next time too. It might just make tree climbing a little easier as the sole has more grip on the bark. Money not enough!

That's me up on the 1st branch of the Rain Tree. Got help onto the branch by another climber. Hope to climb again on Friday! =D

|*14th Nov'07*|

Really.. What's your problem. Yea.. I might not have been able to check my emails due to access problems at work. Sorry but for ur info pple,I work OUTDOORS most of the time. 2ndly, I do reply to emails which ask for my availability, so stop picking on me. Ever since the day I showed my displeasure, such things pops up. I dunno how I'm gonna put it la.. I even have problems explaining to my frens wat the hell happen kays. This is not the way to show that u're interested in some1 la come'on. It's negative. It's puzzling and just shows tt u're unsure of what u're doing. and it can be scary kays. I tot u knew and understood wad I've said b4. but i guess u didnt. =.=

I believe I deserve better.

|*14th Nov'07*|

“You will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you will be my witnesses” (Acts 1:8).

This will be the theme for World Youth Day 2008 at Sydney Australia. Anybody want to join me? Haha.. A journey in which might be a turning point to you and also to continue strengthening your faith with God. Price is not that expensive as compared to 2 wks of holidaying at the same destination. A price to pay but an experience with God in turn which is Priceless. All are welcomed. =D

I really want to go for this event. I don't know why, but somehow I feel strongly that I should go. Problem is there're things that are holding me back. 1: If I were to be working, how? I'm not sure when work will start and to take 2wks of leave in the beginning is not v. nice. Plus, there might be a important and big event preparation in that month.=\ but then again, if I were to go, it'll be planned and confirmed 9 months in advanced. 2ndly, What if I'll be studying? which I doubt so la.. but what if. If I study in Aust, it shld be fine, but if it's somewhere esle?

I know that everything will have an answer to it especially with God, everything will be fine.

|*10th Nov'07*|

Degree in Botany...??? Degree in Horticulture???
Being a Botanist sounds very 'scientist'. Horticulture is like.. nothing much?

Attachment in Kew Garden (UK) sounds interesting. Courses in the morning and work in the afternoon, but $$$.=\ (Some Brit tourists asked us to come work there. U sponsor? haha..)
Have yet to check out Fairchild Botanic Garden (Florida).

Currently doing Aboriculture now. Tree Climbing lessons tomorrow. HAHA.. Weather better be good. =D

Ohh.. I needa stop buying things.. coz I dunno where my money has gone to.. and I haven't got my contact lenses.. lolz..=X

Plus.. I'm thinking if anymore of my close friends get attached, I think I'll be a loner soon.. lolz.. jkjk..=X Take Care Pple.. cya soon..=)

|*25th Oct' 07*|

I beginning to take the Orchids for granted.. coz I have been seeing them everyday for 2 months now...die.. =( Cannot cannot... Must appreciate and see the beauty in them.. haha.. just like the visitors who are seeing them for the 1st time.. lolz..=x I remembered the 1st time I went into NOG, I woah-ed here and htere when I entered the Mist House..Now I don't.. I wonder if it'll still be as exciting working in there as an officer compared to being a cadet. Perhaps not entirely. I think it's because of the responsibilities.

It is Really Not easy to maintain the National Orchid Garden (NOG). So if anyone of you were to visit NOG in the future, please appreaciate the effort and hard work. HAHA. 2ha of extremely high maintenance plants is really tough, but to see the effort being paid- off, it's a very good feeling.

Might have OT again next week, having a private function. Overnight? Possible, but will be very tired the next day. Might not be a wise decision, but that's not up to me.

Many Many things to think about. My Future!!

You know, sometimes it is best to remain single when you are unsure. We have friends for a reason. It is certainly not easy to maintain a good and long friendship, there'll be sacrifices, but it is how we handle them. Being with a bunch of close friends which you can hang out with will keep you occupied. It really helps. Some can lend a hearing ear and give advices. Just share. I'm really glad to have a group a friends which I can go out with and talk to. Even though I'm not their best friend or the closest bunch of friends. Hope to have one someday. =D

|*12th Oct'07*|

What do I really want in life? Be it my career, my personal life? Somehow I feel lost these past few weeks. I continue to attend mass as usual, but something's kinda lost? I mean, I feel lost? Why? I can't seem to find the exact reason. It's fustrating.

Another thing is, I realised that I'm not as direct as I was before. Weird huh. Be it things to do with the heart or general stuff. Is this for the better or for the worse? It just irritates me when someone doesn't understand me or don't get my point, but then I just can't shoot it out directly. Since when did I become 'softer'.

What I can say is... do not go overboard just because I don't bite as much as I used to.

I still think that love will find me rather that me trying to find it. But then again, when it comes, I can't be blinded either. Ohh well, I haven't been brooding over the pass too much now, thanks to the friends that are with me since our last year. I'm enjoying their company and it keeps me occupied. I just don't want to brood over UNsure things. I seriously hate mixed and confused signals, but I can't seem to say it straight out. What the hell is wrong with me. I haven been bothered for quite some time and it's hunting me again. The truth does hurt right? Staying single is still the best option when you're still unsure.

That's all for today... gg out.

|*6th Oct'07*|

On Monday, the Jacob Ballas Children's Garden was opened. Helped out in face painting for the kids. HAHA. Tried out some designs before the people start coming in. It was the most "creative" day for me as I actually drew.. randomly. Flowers, butterfly, a dove, mistletoe(but pple think its cherries..),balloons,car. Too bad I wasn't able to draw what the boys like, guns, swords, spiders etc. =\ HAHA..I drew the whole day.. after that my supervisor let us drive the dumper around eco-lake individually. =X

Last thursday, we got to visit Changi Airport Terminal 3! It's really HUGE. walk till leg pain.. lols.. We were supposed to act lost, the fact that we were supposed to check in at T-3 instead of T2, and to make our way back to T3 in time for the flight.

Now, I'll be at NOG (National Orchid Garden), doing maintenance and landscaping. It's tiring, considering the weather.. drying me up. =.=" Supervising the workers.. etc. Tying of orchids on the tree barks.. somehow, it is fasinating to the tourists.. haha.. I was able to answer their questions though... =) Ooh.. some thought the Phalaenopsis flowers were fake....=\ Geez...Tying it up up wasn't easy. I wish I could try it again.. = Tying Oncidium is much easier coz it is smaller, lighter and easy to balance.

|*27th Sept'07*|

26th Sept'07




Went to watch the concert performance of Mozart's Le Nozzle di Figaro (The Marriage of Figaro) at the Esplanade Concert Hall. It was performed by the world renown Vienna State Opera and Conducted by Seiji Ozawa.





I was so excited when I saw this perfomance in sistic website. The ticket was expensive even though it was student price, but the concert was GREAT! The only minus point was my seat is behind the performers... the orchestra was right below. When the prchestra is playing, I can't really hear the singers as they are singing towards the hall, I was behind, that's why.. But then, I think the performers realised that there are audiences at the back so, they sort of change their position at times, and we could hear much better and the subtitle screen was in front. Haha... =X Seriously the performance was good. I should learn up some Italian.. haha.. =X

The booklet is 'classy'. haha..!

I was a little surprised to see the concert go-ers all in formal attire. Female in dresses and Men in suits, some w/o the coat but with a tie. Luckily I wasn't wearing jeans and shirt. lols.. but blouse and pants.. lols.. coz I went straight from work. There were only a few youngsters like me (very few). Weird, but there are quite a number of Japanese, maybe they are fans of the conductor.. haha..=X

Anywayz, I was glad that I decided to go for the concert, despite the price and having to go alone. The performance is worth it. =D

|*22nd Sept'07*|

XINg! celebrated my birthday after practice.. so sweet la.. haha.. We ended practice at 11:15pm, I was desperate to go home coz work is 8am the next day. We were preparing for a performance on sunday that's why. Then they called me over and celebrated my b'day (1 day late la.. nvm but most memoriable.. oops =X). They wanted to buy those stuff they usually buy when they celebrate our members' bday (those junk food), but can't as we needa sing on sunday, so D said we should have more healthy stuff but you know wad, my cake was a mooncake, and she bought ruffles and nachos.. but we cant eat them.. LOL.. so farnie la they'all... My teacher-friend, played bday song.. haha.. good to haf musicians around.. (not me la.. i dunno how to play=X). The last and Most impromtu b'day card. Creative! =D I like it a lot. Ooh, the things they write make me laugh.. HAHA! Thank You XINg! =D

So nice la.. must see it then know.. I can't do such things that's why..=)

|*17th Sept '07*|

The past weeks had been hectic , so is this week. Rehearsal tomorrow at VCH for Sunday's Performance. I can do it. I can Start the whole song well.. ohh pls.... Roarr!! To Sing solo in VCH is like Wao.. but the coward side will be like.. arghhs..=\ Nevertheless, I will try my best!

The Concert on Sunday will be good. Enjoyment guaranteed. 1st half of formal pieces and 2nd half of informal pieces. Guest perfooormers includes Winner of National A Capella Championships (All Fyne), NP Choir, NP A capella (Linkage), XING! and ME!! =x Pls do come and Support!

Some of the Pieces we're doing includes, One Sweet Day, I'll be there for you (Friends), Lonesome Road, Here There Everywhere and With a Little Help from my Friends (Beatles) and The secret Garden Medley (Musical). Plus 3 beautiful Spanish Pieces, 5 Hebrew Love Songs, and Simple Gifts, with F horn, Clarinet, Violin and Piano Accompaniment.

This Sunday evening @VCH, Doors Open at 7:30pm. Tix at $15 Each, Free Seating. Do Come!

ooh man.. gonna go 1 yr older vvveeerrryyy soooonnn....=\

|*9th Sept'07*|

2 weeks have passed!!!! I've survived my 1st 2 weeks of attachment at Singapore Botanic Gardens(SBG)! haha.. Actually it's not that bad. My attachment in SBG is 6 months. The 10 of us will rotate to different areas during the 6 months. For me, my 1st month will be in the National Orchid Garden[NOG] ( Nursery). To me I thought it'll be fun to be in NOG but its the nursery.. hmm..I'm not that attracted to Nursery work, but after 2 weeks, I realised that this nursery in NOG is a bit different from those outside. Well obviously its different rite.. there's only Orchids in here. duhs! My partner and I had been taught the different methods of pottings different types of Orchids. How to trim the roots and plant the orchids in so that it won't move, and also tying the orchid onto a fern bark.. and later the workers will tie them up on the trees. I've come to realise that to learn about Orchids, it is neverending, just like chinese characters.=.= There're just SO many "complications". U know.. things like hybridisation, crossing the plants here and there, doubling the chromosomes.. creating cultivars..etc. -.-" I read a bit about Vandas and its already a ton to understand, to think about the rest. =\ The names of the orchids can confused me the whole day.

But seriously, I can't imagine the pple potting the whole day, it's just plain boring. My friends up at NOG seems to have more work. I'll have my chance next month, gotta build up my body stamina... and it'll prolly be sunny next month too.. geeezz.. dun be surprised if I became a few shades darker.. lolz.. Nevertheless, it is a privilege to walk into NOG every morning on the way to work. Appreciating the orchids on display etc. =D

Besides being busy with my attachment, I have a performance coming up in 2 weeks. Been invited to perform with the SP Voices for their upcoming inaugural performance at VCH. Trying damn hard to find time to learn everything and MEMORISE everything. All because I was too slack b4 my attachment. =X I believe the concert will be good. The songs are great, the quality is better than you know.... and hopefully the external group I'm in will be able to perform the medley from a musical......although we're facing some doubts. It'll be a breakthrough.

|*28th August' 07*|

"Blady Hell" is gonna be my next favourite word... O.o... Thanks to my partner.. lols...=X

Will Update more soon..... that's when I'm free and energised.. lols..

I'm supposed to be studying for this Friday's paper.. but I've been doing other things instead. =.="

Last Saturday evening, went to watch the fireworks display with libin. It was a last minute decision. haha.. Not bad leh.. haha.. just tt maybe my camera skill aren't tt good.. lolx =X

Sunday was LAZY.

Monday: Went to Tangs. Woke up early in the morning just to go mac for breakfast. >.<>.<" Yea.. I did.. (do i haf a choice?=\) The 2 of them claimed that it was nice.. hmmmm... kk.. truthfully speaking, it is la.. but the inner layer is kinda short leh.. lolz. =X And it's a BIG contrast between the stuff that i usually wear can. K.. I didn't buy that coz I tot I won't wear it as often as that pair of shoe. =x

Tuesday: Can't wake up again, but woke up by a fren and dragged me for a run. omg.. in the afternoon, jogged non stop for 30mins or more? can't believe i did that. lol.. went home totally wrong... slacked the whole day. Helped my mom to Baked Potato and Meat Pie. Nice.. best when served hot. haha.. bro nearly finished everything when he just had a packet of chicken rice.. wth.. that was my dinner. =P

Today: Didn't go for a jog.. cannot la.. hai.... i'm just plain lazy bah..how to get fit aiyo.. k nvm.. tot i could study but.. nvr.. Went to Far East PLaza to collect my stuff. Tot i'd go home, but as usual, I start to shop. Saw a long necklace.. nice.. but can't buy coz cannot spend liao la.. saw a shirt at hula and co. v nice.. but a bit tight..only M size. can wear but tight la.. I like the Words! K.. den I saw the Miss ..... shirts.. selling at $15. Tot for v v v long.. i noe its common now.. but i need such shirts.. so I bought 1.. =\ actually 1 to buy 2 de loh... but now lack money ma.. so settled with 1 only.. sighh.. shld buy Miss Stubborn..I told my mom, she said Yea. >.<"

|*6th August'07*|

Went for NDP's combined rehearsal 6 two days ago. Disappointed. Not a full rehearsal and there's not fireworks..sighh..

Nevertheless.. I was kinda happy.. still... =p

I saw 2 people.. well.. 1st is someone whom I've known recently, well I just found him good looking that's all.. =X

2nd.. I saw the guy whom I went gaga over, 6 years ago. It's a pity that I didn't get to know him better as a friend due to some people. He still regconised me..ahh!! =D Don't know why, but that kinda made my day. ^_^

|*4th Aug'07*|

Yesterday was HLM Day. We had prize presentation. We year 3s had become very playful. LOLs.. So much enthusiasium, I'm surprised, but we had FUN! There were lots of food for us, we ate and ate, such gluttons we are. haha.=X Plus we took loads of pictures. Friends and also as a class, with our lecturers too.. so nice. I guess we all got the feeling we will miss everyone, our classes(as in having class), lecturers and school, that's why we're taking pictures all the time huhs.. bittersweet feelings.

Some of the pictures I took with my phone..

------==Anne & I==-------

------==Si Min & I==------

---==with Yr1, Li Bin & I==---

|*3rd Aug' 07*|

My chaotic days has ended! Yaay! Just 2 reports and a test and I can take a 2 weeks break before exam.

These few days are seriously chaotic. There so many things to do, I just have no time for recreation. It is simply project, project, project. This week, 3 consecutive presentations in 3 consecutive days. Woah, I actually survived. o_O

My year 3 days are full of life. As in, it's fun, enjoy and laughter with may hardships. Well, there are times when things are really difficult, but I really learnt a lot, and I'm really grateful to have them with me.

This semester, ever since the classes were mixed due to the different electives we chose, both classes had been able to mix well, except for some people who are still in their own world. We seem to be more united even though we didn't speak much during our 1st two years. It is a great sight to see in class. =D We were also enthusiastic. Class BBQ, movies with different people. We just mix around, and we got to know each other better. Well, knowing each other's flaws and good points. Lots of ups and downs we faced, different political issues, hmm.. well we been through it together, we survived. I saw the unity in us. (still except for some.)

Sigh, we're all going on our IAP in 3 weeks, we won't see each other much. However busy we might be, we must meet up yea. Birthdays (=X), gatherings, movies... =D

|*22nd July' 07*|

Is that Good News or Bad News....

Arghhs... There are more Important things to concentrate on and worry about than that huhs.. =\

2 more weeks of chaos... and I'm free of presentations and projects.!

4 more weeks of school... and I'm out for attachment and maybe.. free of.. hmmm..

Hang in there!!! I can do it!!! =D


Serve Him the way He wants you to, Not the way you want it to be.

|*15th July' 07*|

I just found out something today, and it is the second I'm affected by it. The contact lens solution which I'm using is taken off the shelves AGAIN. 1st Renu, now Amo Complete. What a coincidence......=.= Now I have to use something esle. Solo Care Aqua, better dun give me any trouble..=\ Funny thing is, this time my mom didn't tell me anything. I'll ask her later. -_-"

Ok, now on a personal thought. Sometimes helping a friend with personal problems (you know what I mean.) can be quite tricky, especially when I'm a girl and that friend is a guy. I know that I only lent my listening ears, which means I've nothing to do with anything including the decision making. The tricky part is you never know what the outcome will be like even though I've got nothing to do with it. I definately Do Not want to be pulled in. Why I'm saying this? coz I've been through. =)

|*14th July' 07*|

TRANSFORMERS was Great!!!! Woots!! Never thought I would enjoy it so much.. Wahaha!! So glad I Watched it.!!! =D
Worth Watching again! =D
I Love Bumble Bee!!! ^_^

Alright. My earpiece died on me. At 1st I still can listen to minus-1 music, now.. not even a single sound. Arghh....=( Sigh.... Now.. I should save up and invest in a good and nice earpiece which is suitable for my ears.

Stick to Creative? or venture out to other brands?? hmmm.. Gotta go check them out. Budget Budget!

|*3rd July' 07*|

Well, you know... you wouldn't have difficulty telling me that if you didn't know. You knew what might happen, maybe you just wasn't aware about it.

Twice in 2 months. Is that fate or just misfortunate.

I'm not being negative about it, I just somehow feel that my that life hasnt been really fair till this point, or rather in this few years. I should be alright.. u noe since the more negative impact one has happened so this one shouldn't be that bad. But like I've said, I have my own barriers to overcome.

But seriously, WHY before a major performance. Sighh... How many times must this happen. How many times must I go through these. I'm beginning to have fear which I think is negative.
God knows why.

It once again proves that All Men Are the Same.

Singlehood is still best but that's only when those things are Out of the Picture.

This is so complicated.

Trust me, I'm alright. I will be. You shouldn't worry. Just worry about me being able to overcome my internal barriers because I wouldn't want the same fate as the other. I have my lesson learnt so have you. Myabe more sensitive next time.

I appreciate it.

|*11th June'07*|

Tonight was bad. Totally. Can say I knew it from the 1st phrase that came out/I heard. Plus trying out those weird songs on the spot just tick me off. No offence but perhaps I'm just not up to it today. I'm rusty, horribily rusty. It's just STUCKED. 3 years does make a big difference. I really need to train everyday. sighh=.= I need to know how it works, need to figure it out. but these few weeks I just dun want to do it. no mood is 1 thing, just refuse to is another. =x u're fustrated i know, i am too. u know i can, i know i can too, but i'm prolly just not up to it. thats not gonna be my excuse anymore. i hafta train if i am gg to produce wad i had before. give me some time.

|*10th June' 07*|

If this is not looking down on me den wad is..
What the hell are you talking about man...

No wonder things sucks with these pple around:

pple who seem to get offended with everything u do, they just dun like u. period. and they dunno how to forgive and forget and start anew.

pple who are totally ignorant of everything that is around them. who has the ability to solve things but cant be bothered about it.

pple who do things which makes pple think its nice, but actually its not exactly tt nice.

pple who neglect things when they haf other things to commit.
(tis i understand, sort of since i've been thru b4.)

A person does makes a lot of difference.

C'mon, u dun control the world yea. let's just say i'm out for now. =)

|*31st May'07*|

Started off today by going trekking in the morning at Bukit Timah Nature Reserve. Surprised huh.. haha.. Went with 2 of my colleagues. Suppose to have 5 of us, but 2 were lazy, so I, didn't 1 to disappoint 1 of my colleagues so I decided to go. I thought that if I slept in I'll prolly not do any work so might as well do some work out. =) Our "guide" haha.. took us to different trails and we learnt to walk with a 5kg backpack and a walking stick. =) Ended before 12pm, had lunch and we decided to meet up later to play boardgames at Settler's Cafe.

I thought Settler's Cafe might be more "posh" but it's not exactly that way. =X Anyway, we played The Settler's of Canaan, introduced by my colleague. Great game, but I didn't really excel. haha..=X After that we played monopoly. A pity that they do not have the latest Singapore's version of Monopoly and our school Library has it. =\ Ok.. Monopoly wasn't as fun within our group as compared to my friends. =X I thought The Settlers of Canaan was more exciting in our group. =) Had a great laugh! HAHA. Glad that I joined you'all today, though my luck isn't with me today.=\ We should organise this kinda thing more often especially on public holidays. =X

Went back home an hour later than expected. Shocked to see my house door locked to the gate. I thought that my parents were angry that I didn't come home as early as I'd said so they lock them, but as I walked closer, I saw those writings of loanshark on the door. I was puzzled that the storey number written was different, although the unit number is the same. I panicked for a
few seconds, thought of calling the police, but I know my parents are inside, so I dialed my dad's no. but I thought why not just press the door bell, faster. My dad thought I did it for fun until I showed him the locked. So basically I was locked outside my house for no reason. =.= Asked my dad to pass me my laptop so I can do my assignment until the police come. My brother rushed home too, so the both of us were locked out. It took the police 45mins to come. =.="

Sigh.. I think that fella was nervous la, might haf pressed the wrong level, or wadsoeva. I wonder why so suay kenna my house. Last time also kenna for no reason. =.=" Pissed me off la. but then again its really scary. This is the second time, and it is me who saw the things done again. The 1st time was 3-4 years ago when I came back from school. Shocked.
Please dun make it happen again....=S >.<

|*30th May'07*|

Good Friends still? =?

|*29th May'07*|

Disappointing day.

Shouldn't have wasted my time going for practice today. Could have use the time to study and go home early to see my aunt and cousins. I left "early" but when I reached home they're already leaving, so disappointed la. I hardly see them as they live in Malaysia, plus they're going back tomorrow.. Didn't even get to catch up on our lives... Sian...............=(

And I thought everyone would turn up, was thinking not to go as there's a test tomorrow morning and I haven finish studying, and in the end?

There's no atmosphere at all, no unity, not a family anymore. It's worse than last year I guess.. what happen arh? There's a need for reflection huh.. tsk tsk. No wonder the feeling is GONE.

|*28th May' 07*|

Wah.. I can't believe similar things happen again this Virtuoso.
How to be in tip top condition?
I guess the road to this Virtuoso hasn't been great right from the beginning.
sighh..Pple changed, and I actually kept believing that u're different from the rest. what a disappointment. Pfft.
surprised and caught off guard like before, but its just normal to be disappointed for a while ok, I'm just Human u know.. Forgive me.

But den again His Love is so great that I know I will be alright, and will be happy... u know =)

I hope that I'll be able to blend into the group again. With no barriers.

|*20th May'07*|

I felt that something has been taken away from me.

You know, last time when I have anything that bothers me or something that made me very happy and even some random things that I encounter or thought of, I will tell you. I can easily say out nearly everything.. except for 1 particular thing la..=x You have been someone whom I confide to when anything happens, because I know you can advice me on them, you help me to see the problems in different angle, you help to me take away the anger and you lift me from below. Although sometimes dicussions on certain things just didn't go well, but I know you understand and things will resolve. But now, I am lost. I'm facing the same problem, and yet I can't tell you anymore. I can't even speak to you like before, how I can even speak to you about everything esle? I don't know how it became this way. I have no one who can help me or make me understand what is going on. You, on the other hand know from the beginning till now. I'm being drowned by the overpowering "bad aura". Even if I found someone trustworthy and understanding, that person can only be my listening ear.

I can't be pushed down this way, this is just too much and is getting out of hand, far worst than before. Not everyone sees it because they are not the victims, I see it because I am targetted. This is a result of the temptations from satan to have power over others, self-centred and glory. I could only see the "bad" working but not you(the" good") working. Are you aware of the current happenings? Can you see the injustice? Are you willing to find out? Or are you just being ignorant to it all? You have the position to make it right for everyone, but are you willing to find out? Will your conscience allow these 'bad' things to affect others, to spoil everything for them?

I have no say. I stood out of everything because I respect 'everything'. But it's getting out of control, come back. Please, come to realisation before it's too late.

Sigh... What has this world become to.....

|*18th May' 07*|

Finally found time to post something.

Really had no time to think.. Extremely busy with my Projects. They are really Driving me CRAZY. My schedules are SO PACKED I simply can't find time for anything esle, even finding time to practise my songs are difficult much less having piano class. =S This week will be SO much worse. 2 Projects due, 1 must be 80% done.

I Finally got to browse through the Pictures and I nearly screamed. Why? coz I've NEVER seen myself that Tired, never. Ohh man.. it's just freaking arghh! *Faintz* Premature aging...=.= Pale and.. hmm.. my dark circles.. The 1st thing my lecturer asked me when she saw me was why do I look so sleepy. I guess partly coz I'm not wearing glasses, I can't hide much of my tiredness anymore. Sigh.. premature aging.. gee...=\ My brain.. slowing down.. not good for health.. sigh.. I NEED Sleep..and Recreation!!!

It's Gonna be an Adobe Weekend, coz I hafta complete my Site Analysis A1 Panel by MONDAY!! No need to sleep le.. Using Photoshop and Illustrator, and I need to REVISE the software!

But... I know You are always here to guide me. =D *Blessed*
Manifested by the Lord.

Today is "LD III" Project day. Went to school in the morning to return the cello. After that I went to Clementi Woods Park, to take pictures of the important things. Then, ALL the batteries went FLAT. =.= I guess they are spoiled coz its not even 1hr. So, I went to ntuc @clementi to buy batteries. After that, I went back to the park to continue taking photos. Met xy at 2+ and we headed towards the East. She went to Pasir ris Park and I went to East Coast Park. Pasir Ris Park is 70ha, ECP is 185ha!!! >.< I chose ECP because I thought that it's one of the parks I'm most familiar with. As in what the park offers, NOT where the facilities are. Well, I guess after today I'd probably remember where the facilities are.. in area what.. hahaha!!

Followed the directions that Val gave me, Thanks a Million!! =) Finally reached the park. I thought I can travel by walking, but its just so time consuming, and I think I walked the wrong direction, coz I couldn't find any Bike ksiok in that direction. hmm..? So I hafta walk back to the "main activity" area for a bike. Well, I increased my walking pace of course, and now the sky is threatening rain. When I finally got a bike, I've wasted quite some time..and so I travelled, took pictures on the way. By the time I reached Bedok Jetty, it's drizzling.. to the point which I'd use an umbrella, so I turned back. Thinking back, I should not have, cause it takes me 15-20mins by bike from macs to there. I tried to go back there and further, but I didn't manage to go much further, 1: I'm tired already, 2: time constrain, so basically I didn't get much pictures and it's just to bike around for fun. Its really nice, if there's some1 with me would be nice too.. haha.. got Company ma.. what u'all thinking arhh.. =D

Met wx b4 my 2nd bike trip, thanks for ur company lehh..=X After I returned the bike, we set off a Looong walk to the BIG food centre. haha.. Well, I kinda suggested the idea coz I saw it during attempt trip to the other side of ecp. By the time we reached there, its already dark. HAHA. Geez.. I don't remember how long the trip was, I definitely would not have walk there for food if I were alone. There's actually nice food there, that place is really big but the food is quite expensive.. I would go there for supper IF I have a car. LOLz.. How I wish.. Can sit by the beach to eat too.. watch sunset.. so nice.. ahhh...=X I caught some nice view of the place, but I didn't get the chance to walk along the beach.. sigh.. Went there too late la.. =\ Hopefully the pictures I took are good la.. as in, relevant.

Its really weird to bike/walk around parks with a camera la. I really felt like a Tourist yesterday. People stare a me when I stop my bike to take pictures. Another thing is I actually brought my bus guide along, just to make sure I take the right bus in the right direction (but its a 2005 edition). LOLz. Plus I printed out the map of ecp from nparks website. Took the underpass near the Cable Ski, kinda ulu lohs.. gud thing is 2 pple. Reached the other end which is the back of a condo, dark loh.. tsk tsk.. den walk all the way to the bus stop, we realised there's no 966. =\ so we took a bus down to Parkway Parade, and I didn't noe the opp bus stop is there, so I decided that we alight at the next stop, maybe its nearer. BUT, the bus turned from the round about to amber road.. omg! I was like Ahh!! gud thing it didnt turn to the Expressway.. ohhh mann... damn farnie and paiseh can.. took a bus back to PP to take 966. Pengz... Sorry about that arhh..XD 966 came, we're darn lucky to haf a sit at the back, coz there's a lot of pple, and its a gud 45mins ride back to BP.

I would rather be Low profile than to be high profile in certain situation.

Sometimes I wonder if what I just did was wrong..

|*30th April'07*|

Infatuation is instant desire,
one set of glands calling to another.

Love is friendship that has caught fire.
It takes root and grows,
one day at a time.

Infatuation is marked by a feeling of insecurity.
You are excited and eager,
but not genuinely happy.
There are nagging doubts,
unanswered questions,
little bits pieces about your beloved
that you would just as soon examine too closely.
It might spoil the dream.

Love is the quiet
understanding and mature acceptance of imperfection.
It is real.
It gives you strength and grows beyond you,
to bolster your beloved.
You are warmed by his presence,
even when he is away.
Miles do not separate you.
You want him near.But near or far,
you know he is yours and you can wait.

Infatuation says,
"We must get married right away.
I can't risk losing him."

Love says, "Be patient.
He is yours. Plan your future with confidence."

Infatuation has an element of sexual excitement.
Whenever you are in one another's company
you are hoping it will end in intimacy.

Love is the maturation of friendship.
You must be friends before you can be lovers.

Infatuation lacks confidence.
When he's away, you wonder if he's cheating.
Sometimes you check.

Love means trust.
You are calm, secure, and unthreatened.
He feels your trust and it makes
him even more trustworthy.

Infatuation might lead you to do things you'll regret later,
but love never will.

Love lifts you up.
It makes you look up.
It makes you think up.
It makes you a better person than you were before.

|*30th April'07*|

Something to lift the mood..

The King Singers..with 'Honey Pie'.ENJOY!!!

U know, if you think that I'm NOT appreciative of your help, You are so Wrong. I'm sorry if I didn't get the chance to Thank you. I am Thankful really. If it isn't for your help I wouldn't have someone to help me improve, but things just didn't go well. The current happenings in the club just turns me off. I'm beginning to feel uncomfortable. I can't speak to the usual people like I used to anymore. You think I'm happy? I'm not somebody who take things for granted just so that I get the benefits, but apparently other people does that, or maybe even u that u didn't even realise. I feel totally out. I DO NOT want to be Mistaken for anything again. If u people want to frame me, spoil my reputation, u better think twice. The truth will speak itself. God knows. I dunno why I must go through this again. The club that I am most attached to, that I am closest to, and the great people suddenly make me feel like a stranger. It just hurts the most the the people closest to you hurt you.

|*29th April'07*|

Performance Day

Alarm went off at 9am, but only managed to get out of bed at 9:30am. Wake up so early on a Saturday morning to pack before going to UCC, but.. I forgot my BELT.. and I need belt for tt pair of jeans. =.= Met the guys at cck, but they're late! and I thought I was late.. =.- Had lunch, but accidents happen, good thing it didn't spill all over me.. My day wasn't going very well.. so had quite an attitude. Actually thought of going back home to get my belt but it'll cost quite some time, and we're already late, but wx lend me his belt instead.. gee.. just to hold me jeans can.. Things were quite rush at UCC.. I don't know why. Plus the last minute runs for A ca just made us more nervous.. and I think I started to go sharp again.. and we began to rush. I didn't have time to warm up, coz so many pple around, and my voice was kinda stuck. Sang a bit only. The gerls were doing make up. I did mine 1st before having dinner, but after seeing the food I decided not to eat. Spicy food.. nono.. I'm loosing my voice soon. Ate a piece of bread with chicken mayo.

I wasn't nervous before A ca item ok... I was just worried about going off coz just nice my voice is sorta stuck. The rest were nervous behind the curtains.. Chill.. be focus.. I'm quite used to singing in a group.. wx u also la.. still say me.. only can't tell by looking only loh.. hahaha.. I was quite disappointed and irritated when we're not allowed to go out during interval. 2nd half, the chinese songs, I knew I went sharp. I dunno if its just me. Ahh.. =.=

Finale..tried to hold back my laughter and sing.. haha.. Ohh.. I was super shock when they gave joe the Doraemon soft toy.. and they played the song.. hahaha!!!

After performance, changed and left, hmm..nearly forgot to take my shoes..=.= Wanted to join the nps peeps for supper, but dunno y i just felt abit out, not entirely becoz of it but also i'll be trying to fit myself into a grp, so left w the choir peeps. 1st time i decided not to join nps pple..hmm.. in the end its the 3 of us again.. choir pple went to town.. I'm too dead for town. Had sundae and pie at macs.. den go home.. and we actaully missed the last bus.. so took a bus to np and decided to cab home.. thnx for the ride..

I guess I was only 60% awake throughout, coz I dun really remember what I said.

|*29th April'07*|

Continuing from the previous post...

Friday (Long Day)

It's even week, so I had my 1st Floristry class. I'm beginning to feel the tiredness, kept stoning in the morning, and came late to class, lucky they were doing gardening. The moment I went to the lab, Eric(TSO) asked me if I brought covered shoes(coz I was wearing slippers), I said yea its in my bag. I brought a dress shoe instead of sneakers, my bag no space la. haha.. coz I have Full dress rehearsal in UCC later in the evening(if u noe wad i mean). Today is hectic la.. rushing from place to place. 1st Floristry class ended 1 hr later, and my fren and I rushed to canteen 3 to meet our fren for lunch and it was drizzling and we're holding a pot of flower we arranged in class. My main fern actually fell off on the way..=.= called 1 of the guys to help me get another fern, haha..=x and ohhhhh.. They helped me put my labcoat in the lab locker, but I forgot to take out my contact lense case... how silly is tt.. haha.. (I left it in the coat pocket as it was wet after i wore it during toliet break.)

Finance class from 2pm-6pm but it ended at 5pm, So Glad. Well, the content ain't that great, not what I expected. The lecturer, adjunct too, Ok la... but she brags. I know u're proud but no point bragging...... and the things she say at times just make me fill like arguing back la.. well, my fren did la.. =.= wx smsed me since before lunch, didn't recieve it until end of floristry coz lab has no signal. Finance wasn't that interesting so sms in class la.. well, I dun usually do tt kays. Suprisingly class ended at 5pm, and I can take my time to have dinner before going to UCC. wx just end class too so we decided to meet at Clementi macs. I didn't 1 to haf macs for dinner, but since its the fastest option, i gave in la.. lols.. and hmmm.. weird things happen, hai..sec sch kids..=.=

Made our way to UCC, they were doing random runs, basically A ca only sang during the last hour. =\ I had time to do some warm ups, actually the longest I have done myself before A ca songs. I was alone in the dressing room that's why. I knoe the dancers heard me.. hmm.. Hope I didn't sound bad..=X Went for supper with the 2 guys.. i didn't eat or drink, save money is 1 thing, tired is another.. haha.. matt made us take the train home...when we haf direct bus home..

|*29th April'07*|

Many Many things to write.. hmm let's see...

This whole week, very busy, so after yesterday, I'm sort of dead. Had Practice and rehearsal from Monday to Saturday excluding Thursday. Wao.. Sing sing and sing, and finally memorised the words.

Monday

Had usual IS class, went to the music room to practice before going for lesson, quite surprised that 1 of the 2 ke pple allow me to stay for a few more minutes. Gained another new book, the bag of books is heavier than my laptop + adapter. Returned to school in a hurry, for full dress rehearsal, only had a ramly's burger for dinner. A ca sang, heard that it was not bad. Had some confusion with the positioning though.. Went home around 11..

Tuesday

No class, but came to do FYP, and so unfortunate to see tis new adjunct lecturer that turns me off. No wonder I made a mistake and had to redo my stock solution. =.= Went to NPS clubhse, slack, pack food up to eat with bel and sam. Played Cello a while, den took my time and made my way to LT 26. Well, since performance is on Sat so I went for rehearsal, as they need to do some adjustments with the A ca pple. Prac till 10, went to macs at Bpp w the 2 guys. Didn't expect to have so much laughter. Ok, they made me laugh throughout, since we got our food. Don't remember why, and they tried imitating and do variations of my laughter..but I just can't stop. =\

Wednesday

The aftermath of a hectic schedule is taking its toll on me. Pulled myself up for 8am class. Lecture ended early, so went to the lab for FYP, but the freak lady is there and sorta chased us out, TSO moved us to a neighbouring lab. Well, You are rude. Seeing the innocent students get scolded by you for nothing.. sigh..
Did sketches and drawing for practical, not bad, I can draw if I want to.
Didn't have proper dinner, coz I snacked during practical, so kinda full. But ate 2 hmm.. something like pancakes(red bean + chocolate), just to fill up my stomach. Went for Full dress rehearsal, took my time too. A ca sang, and hmm.. some parts weren't great. Stress is showing itself. I suppose some pple dun understand that you have to be independent while singing A capella, that means knowing ur part extremely well and not depend on others for notes, except that we hafta look at each other for pulse and move with it. We're too tired for Macs, so we went home.

Thursday

A break from singing. Went for practice, seriously that move was hmm.. didn't expect myself to do it, but after a few tries I made it. But, due to insufficient stretching of those muscles, my 2 legs are aching.. hahaha.. I needa move more. Move it Move it!

|*25th April' 07*|

I'm saying this, in a normal f/s manner.

Well, it is really great to begin happy, like hee haa everywhere with seriousness plus great communications and understandings. Well, of course these things start fine.. BUT, when it all starts to crumble, it's just fustrating. U feel lost. Like, what the heck happen, what caused it, and how to fix it. And it just gets worse when there's no response, not even a try or anything and let it just hang loose. Fustrating. Who even understands till this point.

As far as I am beginning to hate this kind of things happening over and over again, but the cycle just continues, so when is it gonna be stable, or rather that the above would NOT happen. It's great to have those beginnings but not when such things keep happening and obviously I wouldn't 1 another to be like this again. Its nice to feel this way once in a while but not when it drops from the peak all the way to the bottom and trying/or not even trying to find the way back up. I'm so not going to let this cycle repeat itself. Cannot afford to risk it. It's Too Much.

This Crumbles, I crumble too. Get it?!

|*23rd April'07*|

I've been very busy. haha.. Really. Since school started last monday, I have countless project groups and projects to be completed, and I think Week 4 has a few to complete. Rehearsals for Choir PP started last friday. Basically this whole week till performance day on Saturday I'll be having rehearsals. By right is Monday(Today),Wednesday and Friday plus another maybe on saturday, but tmr, there's another practice, so..Gonna be working on A capella songs, but I have NPS in which I need to practice cello.. really. How.. I'll think about it tmr.. hai..

I need time to practice piano too.. haha.. TIME..=.= This week is gonna be crazy. haha.. Monday has passed. Tuesday, FYP and practices, hahaha... no school but haf FYP.. v high.. Reach home, can knock already.. hahah.. no la.. I'm not burnt out yet.. There's still another round to go through this june.. That 1 confirm very high..

Jia You Everyone! =D whether for Grandioso II or Virtuoso IV. I also need to Jia You.. haha!=D

If only things could get better.....Please....

|*20th April'07*|

Today is Friday.. end of the 1st week of school and yet I felt as if I've been schooling for nearly half a semester. I feel Tired.. I don't think I'm burnt out yet. Next week is gonna be a lot worse, even though I do not have class on Tuesday and Thursday. Cello and Piano, I really need to practice...arrrhhh... and I need to catch up on SLEEEPPP... I need some Fun..Really..

Projects projects..Research.. All I have this semester are PROJECTS and 1 paper. Good and bad but deadlines.. roar... Rehearsals and practices now.. and another 1 more time in June.. Its always been dreadful during the 1st few rehearsals..

I'm such a busy person. I was totally bored to death during the whole of March, and I just felt so restless and now I'm busy.. lols.. Well.. the gap is to the extreme.. =\

Nah.. I'm busy, don't get the wrong idea yea.. lols. And, I was right, I haf no time for those. Hahs.

Ohh.. I think next time i should say Female frens instead of Girl- friends.. =.=
and.. I can't seem to stop whacking pple.. I should.. pls stop.. lols

|*19th April' 07*|

Ok... Something is REALLY wrong with my TAGBOARD!!!! Don't tell me its Singnet problem again la.. I mean I can view other pple's tagboard, and they're using cbox too.. why is mine Forbidden..=.= That time due to singnet prob, I can't view my blog for nearly a month and now this... zzzZZZZzzzz... somehow it doesn't make any sense.. but 1 of my fren faced the same problem..

|*15th April'07*|

Went to work today. I was asked to replace a friend who can't make it today. Heehee.. a few more bucks to my paycheck. Really broke now until I get my Paycheck.. aiyo.. but I can't help buying stuff when I go window shopping..=X There are quite a few thigns I need to get. Haha.. I guess I must continue to work la.. Hopefully I won't be that busy..

Since it's a Sunday, end at 7pm, so went to walk around citylink and marina square with my colleague. She is an implusive buyer.. hoho.. I didn't know.. =X hmm.. and me.. I got a new shirt. Well something which is not my usual kind of plain shirt. Nice, thanks to maby's recommendation. hehe.. Had fun today, an incident that is very funny, classic.. HAHA!!! =D

Sigh.. got gf already den even colder.. next time i go there also sian 1/2 lo.. tsk tsk tsk. no gud arh..

|*14th April' 07*|

what's the pt.
nts.. s,d.. =\

I dun like the position I'm in right now. I can't do much.. can't help, its just so uncomfortable to see everything happening in front and yet cant do much..I wish I could do more.. sigh..=\
Hope its all Understood.

I guess all I can do now is only to continuing working hard and give my support at the back.. I can't be weak, must stay strong, u too.

It is dreading but still continue to stay strong yea. There are always people willing to give a hand.

A smile on the face does make a difference. thnx.=)

|*13th April'07*|

Was really bored at work today. Not many customers to entertain. Plus I'm asked to use apple laptop to do a brochure, and I'm like so noob can. I tried Illustrator.. there's a template which I thought was useful, but I just can't seem to insert pictures.. and continue.. so was Stucked.. den.. no choice went to eat la.. dne come back.. my colleague she used iWeb and had a template plus some pics.. I was so glad la.. haha.. but it was a template for blog so there's this "abt me" at the top which can't be deleted.. lols.. wadeva.. but the end product was nice..hahazZ..

I kept thinking about the music lah.. aiyoo.. I was really tired.. just felt like sleeping coz chiong at night ma.. I got like tips from my teacher about arranging.. so I was sort of boosted.. and the result was not bad.. =) Plus I got the book from him just now.. so it'll help me along too.. BUT! my sibelius.. sigh.. can't safe coz not reg. and i tried, but the no. wrong. Why my frens can reg theirs but not me..and my printer.. just refuse to turn on.. and I cant print.. which just means that I can't turn off my laptop.. or esle I hafta write everything on paper..=.=" O.o
Might hafta arrange a medley instead.. well, shldn't be a prob if its something like tis current song.. hmm.. well my teacher said it'd be easier.. hmm.. hahaha.. Anyway, I am happy about the result of the arrangement although got a big gap to fill in btwn. hehs..

I know I'll tend to think a lot, not only certain things but everything for that matter. Sometimes it helps, but sometimes it'll kill. Why do I do that? Is it the insecurity that I have or what? But what's there to be insecure??? just1someimprovements. I guess that's y i'm hm.. hahs..Complicating.. x.X
You know.. I think that keeping things to myself is the best la.. everytime say out, either via blog or to some1 esle, is usually bad la.. pple either misinterpret or just dun understand at all..I think I just can't say, or it'll be bad la.. Being quiet is the best thing.. Although for me to keep mum about my thoughts is quite unbearable.. coz I feel the need to say it out.. but seldom pple understand.. so I think I shld try not to be bothered as long as I can take la..

|*8th April' 07*|

Went to work as usual today. Sales wasn't as good as I thought. I thought it'll be more busy on sundays but well.. it's not even as busy as thursday. Quite bored, I think coz no one crap around with me bah.. Aiyo.. I served this customer, he was aquiring about sleeping bags, I was like yea hmm.. lucky I remember which type of sleeping bag can take what kind of temperature la.. *nie yi ba leng han lo" den ask me open up to show, i was like trying my best to do it asap, I think I was a bit jing zhang la.. lols.. nvr do b4.. blur blur.. dne the price, I didn't know the prices were like in the photo holder la.. den kept asking my manager.. who was on the phone, so pai seh.. =.= And I had a little trouble understanding the customer.. prolly his accent of something.. jing zhang.. lols.. and as usual, the chaco sandals..

After work went to meet barney for dinner, at 1st should be sheena and barney, but found out tt sheena got transferred so left barney lo.. haha.. Went to this eating place like a few blocks away. Never been there b4, although I'd been working for 3mths last year.. lols.. noob.. Talk as usual.. hahahazZ.. and den.. Barney.. WTH?!!! I tot .. hai.. shan't say it out.. sigh.. Pls la..=
But thanks for understanding.. Hopefully watever said is true ba.. Shall see...=)

|*Easter Sunday*|

I went for Easter Vigil Mass yesterday night (Saturday), so didn't go for mass this morning. Its only my 3rd Time attending the Vigil. I still find it quite a challenge to understand everything that is going on.. haha.. especially the beginning bah.. The 2nd time I attended I was singing in t he choir so it was quite fun. This time i was in the congragation, the whole thing was in four parts la.. It lasted 3hr 30mins. hehs.

Well, this year I felt that I did face some challenges during Holy Week, and I feel that I did reflect along with stations of the cross, with fast and abstinence. (all with understanding). On saturday the homily, I just felt Right. Prolly as long as I continue this way, I will have the strength to face my every obstacles because I know He will be with me. =)

Because He Lives, I can Face tomorrow
Because He Lives, All fear is Gone
Because I know He Holds the Future

|*6th April'07*|

Had dinner with my colleague Maby just now. Heard some stuff which I wasn't aware off. Quite funny and well.. surprising..-_^.. I just feel very glad that my 1st job is in this company. My colleagues are easy to talk to, well most of them. We just have to do our job properly that's all, serve the customers well, etc. There'll be fun and laughter if Boss and Manager are not stress.. haha..

On Monday, I was finally scheduled to work after like 3 months break. I was missed out in March prolly because the manager didn't take note of my mail.. =.=" Nvm tt. That day maby updated me about what's in the store and the stocks etc. den cal he updated me with things irrelevant to the store.. I'm kinda surprised that he told me those things la.. anywayz everyone was listening too. Some things just surprised me whereas others are really funny. Then there's this guy, who used to work there too, came and spoke to maby and I. When he heard my name he was like "Ooh, so U're Rebecca. I see, they spoke about you." I was like What?!! As in during their like trekking trip or what you know..

For 1 thing I really can't believe 'that' was true. Last time when boss or my other colleague tole me I think they're just joking/teasing me. But now tt's irrelevant already, but just now maby told me something, which is a few days b4 I return back to work. I didn't bother about it also. Actually I just don't believe it, but till now I think I believe them la. haha.. I'm just flattered. =)

Good Friday

If its for the sake of it instead of honest intentions, then its just pointless.

The Crosses I carry are largely the products of my daily life. I accept, and I know You will accompany me through.
I am Weak. Help me to curb my tongue and hold my anger.
Shan off the longing for pride, and glory, make me poor in Spirit but rich in You.

|*4th April'07*|

My Timetable is finally released, and you know what? I've changed class. Dang~ P02, I'm gonna hafta mixed with those people and the timings are just crap. Life of a P02 student ain't that nice huh. Some said its pay back time. Maybe... Dang! Last semester in school, and this is far the most difficult timetable to memorise and the most inconsistent timetable I've gotten. I have like Odd and Even week thingy on 3 days, and den there's this 4 freaking hours breaking right smack in the middle, in which I start school at 8am den the next class at 2pm. I'm like wth?! and class ends at 5pm..=.=" Plus no class on alternate thursday. Well good and bad, I'll know soon. And finally, I'm going to multiple places, no longer at LSCT block for the whole week.. hahaha.. but hmm.. got class at block 50...level 6 somemore.. hmm..=\

|*3rd April' 07*|

I'm really damn sick of it already. I'm trying to be humble but yet I think I just made myself being covered up instead. It has been so many years, and I thought I can maybe gain some achievement in Poly but yet again, I'm just on the sideline. There are Chances, but its not given to me. At 1st I just dun1 to complain, I'm just close 1 eye, but den more chances and still the same. So do I voice out or not. If I do pple will say I'm just trying to fight with them, I'll just be continued to be sidelined.
My voice lacked style and I tend to sound choral, and I produce the sounds wrongly. Usually due to nervousness and I'm just said to be not able to sing correctly. I'm just confused, its not I CANNOT, I'm just NOT CLEAR of how. Then I can't sing the solo part coz I blend with the crowd so it does automatically put me into an ensemble and no chance for solo. Fine. and den some1 who can't blend properly usually gets the solo coz he/she has style in the voice. Does it mean that I cannot, ever, fullstop. just like tt?

Then I'm poor in improvision on the piano. Does that say that I'm not good enough to be an accompanist? So I'm one of the pianist who can play but just not very flexible, well maybe I'm just not used to it? Haven taken lessons for too long and just not up to standard. So does that make me Unable to play? Not good enough? so I'm just automatically shan off? Yea I'm not as gud. Fine. I admit, but does it mean no chance at all? No good equal No chance? So many damn years and still stuck just like now and nvr ever able to impress pple. what does it mean? I'm just Not fit to be a Musician? Or I should quit performing arts totally coz There's just no hope for me at all?

Might as well ask me to quit on myself totally.

Yea I definately sound Unhappy. I AM. Its just damn Unfair. I lack confidence, I dun dare to say I can, den I end up like this, Hell so no one ever see potential and Hope in me is it. (I'm thankful to those who have.) Then why the hell am I still performing for. I know u're good but U dun haf to look down on me. Damn it.

|*2nd April' 07*|

Why am I caught in this situation again? Why in this position again? Its very "can ku" lehs.. I want to help but somehow I just Dunno How? dunno how to approach, dunno where to start. Afraid to make any mistake, afraid to be stress rather than relieve. Just looking at what's in front of me.. its just so uncomfortable.. Can somebody help me?? Sigh.... its just to uncomfortable....

|*30th March'07*|

It's 30th March 2007, 2 weeks before school re-opens and my time table is not out yet.. and I can't decide whether I can take French 103, and take up piano lessons or work after class.. Why so long? =.= And today is the last day of EP enrolment via kiosk machine.. and after that still can apply, but I might face the problem again. =.=

I JUST FEEL LIKE RUNNING AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To a place where I know no one..............................



inoeucare..thnx..

This is the Video of "Don't Write Me Off" from the Movie 'Music & Lyrics'.
Its very Touching,Funny...Awwww...=')


This is the Demo Version of "Way Back Into Love".
The process during the making of this song. =)


And This, is the concert version of "Way Back into Love".
I just Simply LOVE the LYRICS!!! Oh my.. its just so.. Meaningful.
Very Nice Song. Enjoy!!! *mUaCkz*

|*28th March'07*|

After Movie yesterday, I went to Church for Penitential Service. Well, I told myself I will go so I went. I've been missing it coz of practice, using it as an excuse so I decided not to this year. Ever since I graduate from AES, I haven been to this service or confession every other time so its time. I guess due to the gap in between I had some hmmm..hiccups, so hmm... yea.. Sigh.. Nevertheless, I'm glad I went.
Whatever its is I feel much Lighter.=) Those questions, will be my guide in my future reflections.

Love Thy Neighbour as You Love Yourself.
Somethings are hard to do, but we should always try. For me, its easier said than done. I know but yet it still happen. But inside everyone's smiling face, there will always be some that have some hidden troubles inside their heart, only covered up by their smiling faces.

Whether it is true or not, I felt it. Both.
(1)I'm not sure, but I can say that I feel teary and anxious whenever I feel it.
(2)Small gestures I notice, although people I miss the important ones and took note of the unnecessary ones. I admit..=\ I just hope everything can be back to normal, since its agreed, so might as well keep it and work on it. I WILL WAIT.. silently in one corner.

|* 28th March' 07*|

Yesterday was hmmm.. fun.. lols.. Went to watch Music & Lyrics. Actually, only Sheena and I, but met Qi Mei, so ask her to join us, since she wanna watch too.. erm.. she was suppose to study.. =X Weird Combi but if there's a first time there will be a second time.. hahaha.. I'm growing Old.. LOLx..=X

Anywayz, Music & Lyrics is nice! but as usual, must pay attention listening coz sometimes cannot catch..lols.. The songs are nice, especially the one that 'Alex' wrote. Oh my.. I did not know Hugh Grant sings. When he opened his mouth to sing the demo of "Way back into Love", I was mesmerised. LOLz.. I'm serious. His voice is like.. Wow.. Then during Cora's concert he sang his self written song "Don't write me off", I was even more mesmerised. Not only by his voice again but by the Lyrics!!!
Its just so meaningful and touching, it just brought me to tears..*which I hafta hold back* =X Now I want this 2 recordings.. haha.. In the movie Cora was kinda "scary" as in she's like very spiritual and overly sexy..=.= Plus her songs are like errr...huh?..lols.. but when she sang "Way back into Love" with "Alex", she sounded nice too, well when she finally use the original version instead of the 'indie' thingy.. hahahazZ!

The ending of the movie was kinda short though.. I mean like sudden..? hahazZ. but well, its a nice movie, not those typical romantic comedy kind of movie. This has more content.. haha.. *Glad* The song "POP, goes my Heart" is nice, and the scene in the movie, very funny. The moves are like.. arhahha.. stiff.. haha.. limited. but its entertaining, and 'Alex' always wears the same outfit for his performance.. LOLx!
Lots of surprises..=D

|*24th March' 07*|

I'm not angry, I'm just Unhappy and Disappointed.

I'm sorry I mind. I'm already up walking and running, DO NOT attempt to trip me over. What is the motive of that? I mean this is definately a joke that turns me OFF. It's not funny at all. Why must you rub it in? What's your motive? What are you trying to imply. If you have nothing better to say, Just Keep Quiet/ SHUT UP. I just dislike you people rubbing it in when I'm already looking forward.

|*21st March'07*|

I've been watching Tokyo Juliet this few days.. The story line is much more exciting than Hana Kimi, much more complicated, not as simple, of course having the Love story part is a plus point. It can really make you get into the story itself, make you dislike what they do because it is so low... and make you feel so touched beacuse it is so sweet that you'll shed a tear.. The male leading character is really attractive, I'm not being bias ok.. I meant his Character... its really nice, although he gets jealous really easily, but he's really sweet, romantic too.. wahahaha.. If only there's a man like him.. excluding his 'family' part of course...

|*12th March' 07*|

I'm trying to take up piano lessons again after 2 years. Why, because I need to brush up my skills. 1 thing is that my fingers are not as flexible anymore and my brains are not coordinating. I'm not planning to take a Diploma level yet, definitely not as I'm not even at a proper grade 8 level anymore, also I'm not ready to teach! Oh please, I know teaching can earn a paycheck, yea but then again, teaching is a passion, it does not come as and when you want. If I were to teach, I need to get the 'knack' of teaching before I really teach right. I'm only trying to improve myself, bring my ability out again, so Do Not hint me to teach everytime I mention that I want to take up piano lessons again. My aim now on taking up piano lessons is to improve my skill and see where it takes me, then I shall see.

|*19th Feb'07*|

Happy Chinese New Year.. !!! hahahaa! =D

This year is fun la.. heee.. Although it was only a 2 night stay. My younger cousins are growing each time I see them, and they're getting heavier...6 years old is the max I get carry.. my arm hurts..=\ *I need to train my arms..*

I'm glad I'm getting along with them so much better than before.. hmmm.. I'm closer to the younger ones... =D Kinda surprised one of my aunt that I can carry a baby.. hmmm.. =p I don't play with kids last time *anti-social*.. but has since improved, but still not as pro as my brother..geee...

Happy to see my relatives and my Ah Ma especially.. some of them which I only see once a year.. if lucky enough twice.. and every year I get 1 extra red packet, because 1 of my cousins get married.. heeee =x

I realised I do not need an alarm clock to wake up.. why? because the kids will throng the room.. and I'll be awake lo.. I think because of my bro la.. but now.. me also la.. =x yaay! so cant sleep longer lo..=\

|*23rd Jan'07*|

Today is tiring. Not sure why. I think Tommorow will be much worse. I hate Wednesday!

Practical ended early, so I went to the Library to do my tutorials, but only wrote out one, the rest were attempt a little here and there.

After dinner, practice. Cello practice tonight was not too bad, well hmmm, one of the better ones, but I still have problems with that few bars in Spring, and Autumn is like arhhhs?! March from Carmen is not too bad, Concerto need practice. Lack of Practice, SLOW practice. I think piano is the only instrument I can play decently.

I cant seem to handle music and studies together. I have to drop one of them to concentrate on the other. But music is what I do to relax la.. that temptation is so strong, but without practising this few days.. also won't touch lo.. =(

I haven been singing either. Have not touch my scores since the day I got it. I just do not have time. I'm so sorry I have not been coming for practice. I really need to do well this semester. I can't disappoint myself and others.
Time, I need time and SLEEP...

French final test, aural presentation, listening comprehsion on Thursday. LD to complete by Next wednesday, and a CHUNK of PGB.=.=

|*16th Jan' 07*|

Argghh! Haiyo.. I dunno why I feel so like that la.. *pengz* I don't want my behaviour now to spoil things la.. wth.. K.. I'm just blogging kays..

I have NO reason to be this way coz I've seen it coming. but dunno wad's wrong w me la.. 1/2 of me is like tis. -.- It just happen to be la kays.. =\ I dont 1 to be tis way!!! Its just Human isnt it? Sorry to be like this.. sighs..

'But it goes against the way I am, to put my human nature down, and let the Spirit take control of All i Do..'

I need u sister...

|*14th Jan'07*|

Today in church, celebrated the installation of the Parish Priest, Fr. Chong. The Archbhishop is here too.. Most of the time I attend the 11am mass in that church, ever since i moved here and most of the time Fr Chong celebrated the mass. I remembered during my sec 3 I began to feel the miracles of God in many ways, little ways.. den every week when I listen during Homily I began to understand and apply the knowledge to my life. Until now, I still feel that somehow sometimes my prayers are anwered through Homily. Its jus whether I understand a not. And today, through a song 'Thank You, Lord', the words, its like God's conveying a msg to me, after yesterday. Every Line, has its meaning, and I think I should rejoice instead of feeling the other way round. I really felt glad. The Priest once said that, we will never really appreciate God's love or really put out heart into Him until we really felt the manifestation of God personally, on us.

Through our actions, what we do or say, bring people to Christ. that they may see the wonders of God through every individuals. Just like we individuals see the wonders of God through the Priest, and stay with Christ.

|*7th Jan' 07*|

I've been like addicted to Piano since the day I went to borrow those scores la.. -.- (2 weeks ago)

Practising and Practising... Cherny is good.. the practices do help improve the flexibility and speed of my fingers.. but need a lot of patience to learn.

Adagio in G minor by Tamaso Albinoni is nice la.. yea pple come to me and say that the song is sounds SO sad.. but its NICE! the more I listen the more I like it.. but the thing is.. How do I read the score? (I think its Ok already la.. if I continue to play this way la..) and How to I play it? the way I play it is different from the recording...=
The other songs.. well.. Virtuoso Pieces... ahhaha!!! Ystd.. Spring fromt he 4 seasons.. COOL man!! I got my fire back for piano.. I think for cello.. soon.. coming.. haha!! Very nice lehs... If only I can play that small part la.. wth.. everything is Ok.. except that few bars...-.="

Nvm.. Jia You.. can 1.. ahah.. it'll be a blast!

|*7th Jan '07*|

1st post of 2007.. yea I know.. it's like 7 days already.. hahazZ..
Wanted to blog.. thought of things to blog But.. always felt very tired.. and the desktop is so slow.. so didn't post anything up..Now, I'm using my Laptop..hehs.

Ok... hmmm.. Watched Blood Diamond on Tues.. The movie is good la.. very touching when the family reunited.. lols.. hmm.. a bit cruel during the 'short sleeves or long sleeves' part.. Didn't know that this thing actually happened quite recently like 6 years ago la.. den to get diamonds all these must happen..=.=
Anywayz.. b4 the movie was shown there's this Thriller of an upcoming Horror movie that kinda freak me out la.. my my... the screen in GV Max is huge la.. and from where I'm seated all I see is the screen, den the sound effect is so arhhhs.. I was looking down.. but I still sneak a peek.. den I saw this scene la.. wth!!! Freaky... x_x

3rd Jan school starts.. things didnt go well especially the part where I have to draw a two point perspective of boxes...-.= 45mins!!! and I thought I am right.. but I drew wrongly.. TWICE!!!! I wasted 45mins!!!!!! I was to the point of giving up la.. but my lecturer say must complete.. =.= die la.. boxes already like this.. den the real drawing how?! I'll pull out my hair la.. =.-

Thursday was like 'surprised' by my lecturer.. telling us that we're going on a field trip..=.= Anywayz my classmates are confused about the time table also.. we all thought we're having Tissue Culture Practical.. but its actually Soil Science Practical.. LOLs..

I realise that I only have like 1 or 2 classes for most of my modules la.. except for 2.. and I have classes on ALL the saturdays from this week onwards.. WTH!!! =( I need to go for Practice..-.-

French class is hmm normal.. just that I forgot most of like everything? and Exams is like in a few weeks! I'm already feeling the tension in me now la.. I think I might be worse in the weeks to come la.. Sorry pple.. =(